Our class visitors (Peter and Tom) last Thursday discussed failure and how failure is viewed in such a negative light, but yet we learn so much and grow so much from the act of failing. In fact, we learn MORE from failing than we do succeeding in most cases. I can’t say that this is the first time I have thought about failing in positive terms, but I will say that I needed a reminder that we are rhetorically trained to believe that not getting the expectations that we set ourselves up for isn’t a win in another way.
As cliché as it sounds, I have always been a big believer in things happening for reasons. My faith guides me to believe that way, as does my general outlook on life. And from what I have experienced, there is merit in that statement. From relationships to professional changes, to where I went to college, I can look back and easily see times when in the moment I felt disappointed by the hand life had dealt me. In hindsight, these setbacks were not setbacks at all. In each situation, I learned and I grew.
I am not a huge country music fan, but having lived in the south for long enough it seems kind of unavoidable. I have learned to appreciate certain artists and certain songs. One song that comes to mind is a song by Garth Brooks (an artist I don’t really care for) called Unanswered Prayers. It has all the classic requirements of a sappy country song…twang, a broken heart, God, maybe even a pickup truck in there somewhere. Anyhow, it supports the more religious take on this idea. Unanswered prayers aren’t really unanswered- God is answering us but really giving us what we need, it just might not be what we expect. I don’t love the song, but I love the message.
Randy Pausch, author of “The Last Lecture” and well-loved professor at Carnegie Mellon University left a legacy of messages to his children and the world when he shared his final lecture, capturing the best lessons he learned in life. Many relate to risk and failure- and the importance of taking chances in order to make your life fuller. One quote that I really like is “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted”. Randy encouraged risk-taking, especially with his students. In fact, he even offered a reward to the team of students within his robotics class that took the biggest risk and failed. It was titled “The First Penguin Award” because the first penguin who jumps in the water risks the water being too cold, predators, etc. He gave stuffed penguins to the team who jumped off and failed first because as Randy says “It is better to fail spectacularly than do something mediocre”.
Ironically, a certain failure has been the concentration of much of my life right now. I don’t necessarily view it that way, but my boyfriend does. Currently, we are trying to sell our house and unfortunately, it isn’t selling. It’s not in a good area of town and the mortgage is a major drain on us. The house is in his name, so perhaps our differing ideas of failure are because of the impact is different for both of us. Steve gets infuriated with himself for having made this investment five years ago, when the economy was different. The thought of walking away from it and tanking his credit is an unimaginable failure, that someone who is meticulous about their expenses cannot fathom. For me, it’s a temporary setback, but not a failure. I have tried to help Steve see it as something aside from a personal failure, but he is having a hard time letting go of his lifelong view of being fiscally responsible. I don’t expect that he will ever see a short sale or a foreclosure as a good thing, but I also wish he didn’t view that outcome as a failure either.
I think it takes someone with a really positive outlook on life to face problems and see them as opportunities. Furthermore, our individual experiences (our social construction of reality) speaks to what we as individuals view as major failures. While money management and success have been values that Steve was taught to uphold, I was taught to value the importance of family and personal relationships. Additionally, my faith- or general belief that things have a way or working out reminds me that falling isn’t always failing
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